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Just another fic archive. :D

Author: sbyte
Beta: TPOD
Title: Lost at Sea 3/3
Characters: Erestor, Fingon, Arkáno, Fëanor
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction based on Tolkien’s works. It is in NO WAY intended to be anything other than that.
Warning: This is utterly AU and silly. It is slash (m/m), but that kind of goes without saying.
Summary: Oversleeping can have consequences!


Arkáno shaded his eyes with his hands and looked out into the water of the gulf. “Fingon, come here. What is that?”

“Huh?” Fingon settled his daughter in the grass and walked over to his brother’s side. “What is what?”

“Look out there…no to your right. Follow my finger. You see that?”

Fingon furrowed his brow. “Is it a boat?” Both elves squinted.

“If it is, it is a small one.”

Not expecting an answer, Fingon asked, “What is it doing out there?”

Arkáno frowned, becoming concerned. “It shouldn’t be so near the cliff face with the tide coming in.”

Fingon’s eyes widened. “What kind of boat is that?”

Suddenly Arkáno dropped his jaw. “Oh Valar! You are going to think I’m insane, but that is no boat.”

Fingon smirked. “I’ve had my doubts about your sanity for years. What is it then?”

“It is a bathtub!”

Fingon looked from his brother to the boat and back again. “Phffftttt!”

Disregarding his brother’s reply, Arkáno urged, “No look. It isn’t as far away as we thought. It is just very small.” He then gasped, startled. “Wait! Is there an elf inside that thing? If there is, we’ve got to help him.”

The brothers squinted in concert. Fingon exclaimed, “I don’t know kind of craft that is, but there is an elf inside! After the epic bender you and Maglor went on last night, you are in no shape to swim out that far. I’ll get down to the beach, but my wife would slay me were I to swim into an angry sea. She will be delivered of our next child in a few days so I can’t take unnecessary chances.” He looked at the toddler playing with her doll. “You and your mount are faster than me and mine. Take my daughter and ride for help. If he doesn’t jump soon, there will be an unfortunate accident, and I don’t want her to witness it.”

“Shite. Try to get him to jump. I’m going to get our uncle.” Arkáno gathered up Fingon’s daughter and hurried off.

A few short moments later, Fingon was on the beach yelling at the top of his lungs. “Jump! Jump into the water!”

Erestor saw an elf on the beach waving his hands. It looked like he was yelling something, but he couldn’t hear what it was. The shore was in sight so the whole embarrassing ordeal was almost over.

Soon afterward, the notorious and famed creator, inventor and once high king Fëanor arrived on the scene. “What is this about an elf in a boat?”

“I told you that it isn’t a boat.” Arkáno gestured to the gulf. “He is out there!”

Taking control of the situation, Fëanor said, “Right, you can stop yelling. He obviously can’t hear you. If he doesn’t jump soon, it will be too late. Fingon, stay here on shore and be ready. Arkáno, go back to the keep and make ready for an injured elf, just in case.” Fëanor quickly threw his boots off, jerked his tunic over his head, removed his pants and dove in. He was a strong swimmer which was a good thing. The tide was coming in. When he got close enough to be heard, he started to yell, “You’ve got to leave the boat. Jump!”

Erestor raised and cocked his head when he heard a voice. An elf was swimming toward him! He wanted him to jump overboard? Was he crazy? He yelled back, “No, I don’t swim well, and am too far out. Worry not. The tide will bring me to the shore.”

Fëanor continued to swim for the elf. “Look behind you! You are going into the cliffs! Jump!”

Erestor slowly turned his head. The cliffs were close and the waves were breaking hard against their sharp rocks. That is what he had been hearing and ignoring! The lethargy that blanketed him ever since sighting land, evaporated in an instant. “Valar!” Erestor pulled off his boots as fast as he could and jumped. He was not a good swimmer, the current was strong and he was weighted down with sodden clothes.

“Take your clothes off! They will pull you down.” Fëanor saw that the elf was beginning to panic, so redoubled his efforts. “Hang on. I’m coming.”

Erestor’s movements became much easier once he removed his clothes. Even so, he was fighting a losing battle with the current.

Fëanor grabbed hold and steadied Erestor for a moment. “Can you swim?”

“I haven’t done so often, and the last time was long ago.” Erestor wasn’t about to admit that an elfling could swim better than he could.

“All right, hold on to me.”

Erestor didn’t have to be told twice. He gripped Fëanor as if his life depended on it. For his part, Fëanor did his best to keep the panicking elf from pulling him down. It wasn’t easy. Every elf should know how to swim, but this one was proof that not all did.

Once they were close enough, Fingon walked out into the surf, grabbed Erestor under the arms, and pulled him onto the shore. He was weakened and cramped from spending two days in a bathtub at sea. Even so, Fingon turned him toward the cliffs so he could witness the fate that he had so narrowly avoided. “You fool! What were you doing out there?”

Erestor watched as the bathtub that had been his home for the past two days was dashed upon the rocks. Planks of wood splintered as the tub was ripped apart. It was the first time that he faced such an immediate glance at his own mortality. Life under the threat of Sauron was one thing. Watching nature’s display was much more sobering. He sank down to the sand, stunned, pale and barely able to speak.

Fëanor used his shirt to dry off with, and donned his pants. “Let’s get him to the keep. Can you walk?”

Erestor nodded and accepted Fingon’s hand up. “My name is Erestor and I am more thankful than I can express at your timely rescue.”

“I am Fingon and your rescuer is Uncle Fëanor. I would say that I am pleased to meet you, but considering the circumstances…”

Stunned and speechless, Erestor followed as they slowly made their way to the horses. Fëanor mounted, and Erestor slid on behind. He felt more like a limp rag than an elf, so wrapped his arms tightly around Fëanor’s waist.

Once at the keep, Arkáno met them outside and caught Erestor as he slid off his uncle’s horse. “You don’t look terribly worse for wear, but let’s get you inside and have a better look.”

Fingon left Erestor in the capable hands of his brother and uncle, and went inside to retrieve his daughter.

Taking the situation in hand, Fëanor addressed his nephew. “I will have a warm bath prepared and then order tea and something to eat. While he soaks in warm water, go to Curufin’s room. Some of his old clothes are still stored in the wardrobe. There should be something that he can wear in there.” Fëanor strode off, leaving Erestor to follow Arkáno.

As they walked through the house, Arkáno studied the stranger. The elf was shorter than him and his uncle, and although it was hard to tell with elves, he looked like he could be a little younger as well. His burning question had nothing to do with age or identity though. “How did you wind up in that little tub?”

Smiling weakly, Erestor shook his head. “That, my friend, is a long story. Once I’m not struggling to stand on cramping legs, I’ll tell you all about it.”

The warm bath and clean clothes after two days in the sun felt divine. Once clean and clothed, Erestor went downstairs and told his tale. Aman had been the scene of many unusual occurrences throughout its long history, but over tea and sandwiches, Erestor told Fëanor and his nephews a tale unique in the experience of all three. “That is how I became stranded at sea in a bathtub.”

“My daughter is tired, and my wife is no doubt anxious for her return. I thank you for a most entertaining afternoon.” Fingon rose and took his little girl’s hand. “Come Mirel, wave goodbye to Uncles Fëanor and Arkáno.” A chubby hand rose and fingers wiggled in farewell.

Fëanor smiled and refilled everyone’s tea. “He certainly makes adorable children,” he noted.

Rather than comment on Fingon’s children, Erestor asked, “How far is it to the docks from here?”

Fëanor raised an eyebrow. “If you think that I’m going to let you wander Valinor in search of the docks, you need to think again. You are going to have a hot meal, plenty of fluids and good night’s sleep in a proper bed. In the morning, a healer is going to give you a thorough examination. Water and sleep deprivation are bad enough, but you were stressed and quite likely frightened on top of that. Until you have recovered, consider yourself to be my guest.”

Arkáno reached for his tea and casually said, “Don’t consider arguing with him. It will be a waste of your time. Besides, he is right.”

Erestor’s instinct was to argue that all of the attention was unnecessary, but something told him that Arkáno was correct. It would be a waste of time. “I need to send a message to Glorfindel, letting him know that I am alright. They will be wondering where I disappeared to.”

“I will see to that right now.” Fëanor swiftly left the room to arrange for a message to be delivered to Glorfindel.


Two days passed with no word from Erestor, and Glorfindel was genuinely concerned. “I’m telling you; something has happened. He wouldn’t stay away this long without telling someone where he was going.”

Ecthelion asked around for Glorfindel, but hadn’t heard anything. Even so, he was pretty sure the elf would resurface soon enough. After all, this was an island. Where could he go? “When you first arrived, he seemed reluctant to spend the night with you and your new husband. He is probably just house-hunting.”

Glorfindel raised both eyebrows. “For two days?”

Elrond sighed. “Perhaps he did tell someone where he is, Glorfindel. You assume that he would tell us, but maybe he sent word to one of his friends. We have been very busy the last couple of days. It could actually be that a message came, and we weren’t here to accept it. Besides, this is Aman. What could possibly happen to him here?”

Glorfindel looked at Elrond like he couldn’t believe his husband had just said that. “What could happen? You are talking about Erestor!”

Ecthelion rolled his eyes. “Relax Glorfindel. Despite how you treat him, he is a grown ellon. Don’t act like your elfling is missing. He will send word when he is ready. Valar, I don’t envy your husband if Erestor ever gets married. You will be worthless for a century.”

“Oh be quiet. I’m just concerned that we haven’t heard from him. He is new here and has no family to fall back on, other than us.”

A knock at the door interrupted Glorfindel’s train of thought.

Elrond answered. “I bet this is a message from Erestor. Here Glorfindel; it is addressed to you.”

Glorfindel immediately broke the seal and began reading aloud.

To Glorfindel, Captain of Imladris and Lord of the House of the Golden Flower,

Erestor asked me to send word of his whereabouts. He has had a misadventure, but do not worry. He is safe and will be my guest for the next few days while he recovers from his ordeal. Before continuing, be warned that what follows is hard to believe.

Glorfindel rolled his eyes. “When it comes to Erestor, I’d believe just about anything.”

Elrond peered around his husband’s shoulder. “Keep reading”

Nothing that I say will make this sound anything less than bizarre, so I will state plainly what befell your ion. Erestor was stranded in the gulf in a bathtub, courtesy of Cirdan. He was spotted near to my home, dangerously close to the cliffs. I fished him out, and he seems fairly well, all things considered.

He says that he spent two nights in the tub. As you can imagine, he needs food, fluids and sleep. Though I don’t see any injuries and he says there are none, I arranged for a healer to come by tomorrow and check him over, just in case.

If there is anyone that needs to know his whereabouts other than you, please send word that he will be at my estate.


Glorfindel blinked. Elrond snickered. Ecthelion flopped down into a chair and practically cackled. That opened the floodgates and Elrond burst into great belly laughs. Glorfindel just looked confused.

“How could anyone wind up at sea in a bathtub?”

It took a herculean effort for Elrond to stifle his laughter long enough to reply to his husband. “For that, we have to ask Erestor or Cirdan. Since we aren’t likely to see either of them for a while, we must be patient.”

Ecthelion had tears of laughter running down his face when he offered, “I am sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation.”

Glorfindel sputtered, “The note is signed by Fëanor! My ion manages to become lost at sea in a bathtub of all things, and is rescued by Fëanor! I don’t know what to say. I am glad he is taking care of Erestor, but why is he even alive?”

Still chuckling, Ecthelion said, “Despite having a reputation that would make any fire breathing dragon proud, Fëanor isn’t so bad. The only mischief that I’ve heard tell of lately is when he decorated the hilts of his grandson’s play swords. They are now encrusted with jewels, and are the envy of many an elfling.”

Suddenly Glorfindel looked at his husband and smirked. “Your sons and Legolas called Erestor the spawn of Fëanor after that fight a couple of centuries ago.”

Elrond winced.

“In one sense, it is almost comical that he is actually a guest at Fëanor’s estate.” Glorfindel smiled wickedly. “Your youngest would shit a brick if he knew.”

Elrond grinned. “I remember spending most of that night trying to talk Erestor out of killing Legolas. Will you calm down now? Your ion is safe.”

“Calm down? He is with Fëanor! That is almost as bad as thinking about what mischief he and Ecthelion could get up to together.”

Ecthelion tried to look innocent, but with such a roguish twinkle in his eyes, he wasn’t able to quite pull it off.


Arkáno cocked his head. “You are newly arrived from Arda then. I have met very few elves that are not reborn.”

Erestor blinked. Being around elves older than Glorfindel, would take some getting used to. “This ancient land makes me feel like an elfling seeing the world around him for the first time.”

“That begs the question of how old you actually are.”

“I am a little over eight hundred.”

Arkáno raised an eyebrow. “There are a lot of adventures in store for you.”

Erestor asked curiously, “Really? The people that talked me into coming here left me with the impression that this place is beautiful, peaceful and rather dull.”

Arkáno choked out, “Dull? Where did you hear that?”

Fëanor walked back into the room in time to hear Erestor’s statement and Arkáno’s reply. “Don’t equate peace with boredom. Many of the elves that call this place home are far from dull. Take the elf that just left; daughter in tow. Before marrying his lovely wife, his father had to bail him out of the Tuna jail four separate times for drunken and disorderly conduct.”

“High King Fingon was arrested?” Erestor was flabbergasted.

Arkáno rolled his eyes. “He used to be High King, but my brother was a reborn nuisance for the first few hundred years of his second life. Thank the Valar for sending Tallia his way.”

Not knowing what to say to that, Erestor just looked askance to the notorious elf lounging on the couch.

Fëanor smirked. “He was no worse than you, Arkáno. I recall that where one went, the other was soon to follow. That included the Tuna jail. The difference was that my dear brother refused to bail you out the last time. You still owe me for bail money, pen’neth.”

Arkáno groused, “You have the longest memory of any elf ever created! Fine, I’ll get you the money before week’s end.”

Fëanor’s grin became mischievous. “You do realize that significant interest has accrued over the years.”

Arkáno rolled his eyes. “I should have known. All right, I’ll bite. How much is this going to cost me?”

Fëanor smiled slyly. “Never fear, I will think of something. Let’s not bore our guest any further with talk of your gambling problem. It is time for dinner. Come.”

Later that night, Erestor lay in bed relaxed after enjoying the first truly good meal he had eaten since leaving Arda. It was a warm night so he had opened the window wide. Borrowed clothes belonging to Curufin were draped across an easy chair, ready for him to wear the next day. When he left Arda, he had been apprehensive, and truth be told, rather nervous as well. Lying on a bed in one of Fëanor’s guest rooms, he realized that there was nothing left about life in Aman that could scare him. The strife between Elrohir and him was, and would always be, an ugly reminder of his past. It was just that, though. It was his past, and need not shape his future. Perhaps, given time, they could even make peace with one another. It was a pleasant realization.

He fancied that he could hear sweet music on the night air. It was the kind of music that can only be played by a master of the flute. He smiled as his imagination took him to the beach where a dark haired elf awaited his arrival. The first stars came out and Erestor allowed himself to drift into sleep, while the gentle music of the Lord of the Fountain spilled out onto the warm evening air.


sbyte: (Default)
Archiving this fic here, just in case LJ decides to do crazy things.

Author: sbyte
Beta: TPOD
Title: Lost at Sea 2/3
Characters: Erestor, Manwë, Lorien, Ulmo
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction based on Tolkien’s works. It is in NO WAY intended to be anything other than that.
Warning: This is utterly AU and silly. It is slash (m/m), but that kind of goes without saying.
Summary: Oversleeping can have consequences!


The White Ship blinked out of sight. Now there was just blue sky, water and Arien shining down. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. There was no breeze either. The water was calm and still, as was the bathtub. Erestor closed his eyes and banged his head against the side.

“Why do these things always happen to me?”

“What other elf could possibly get into a predicament like this?”

“Why did I have to come here to begin with?”

“Why did the Valar call the Firstborn home before giving us the chance to enjoy the hard won peace?”

“I travel to a place of legends, and wind up stranded in a bathtub in the middle of the ocean. Who ever heard of such a thing?”

The whys and what ifs continued till Erestor became bored with the sound of his own voice. Sighing he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Then the tub moved. Erestor’s eyes flew open. There was indeed a small ripple in the water, but still no breeze that Erestor could divine. It had just been his imagination. The ripple was caused by his movement; nothing more.

When Cirdan jokingly asked if he was a strong swimmer, Erestor had not been kidding when he said no. Other than wading in the Bruinen, the last time he was in a body of water larger than a public bath was when he was a young elfling. Other than the White Ship, he had never been in a boat.

At a loss as to how to proceed, and seeing as how there was no one around to see how silly it looked, Erestor tried to paddle the bathtub with his hands. The tub was circular though, and not well suited to sea travel. His efforts only succeeded in sending the tub in a circle. Frustrated, he angrily splashed the water. Then the tub moved again! The water seemed to surge up slightly. Erestor peered over the side and almost wet himself when a huge eye peered back. He gasped and skittered around to the other side of the little tub. The water moved again so he slowly peeked overboard. The eye was gone.

Erestor let his head drop back and looked at the sky. “I am imagining things. I have to be, because that was not real.” He then closed his eyes and tried to still his racing thoughts and rising panic.


Erestor almost jumped out of the tub in his fright.

A huge tail hit the water, creating small waves.

Under other circumstances, Erestor might have rejoiced at the prospect of riding the waves back to shore. As it was, fear of entering the Halls of Waiting after being squashed by an enormous tail, overrode any and all positive thoughts.


Lorien cocked his head. “Well that is something you don’t see every day. Ulmo, there is an elf in a little round tub floating around in the gulf.”

The vala chuckled. “Ah yes, that is the elf called Erestor. While you were engrossed in creating and blessing dreams last night, he was trying to ignore the sounds of Glorfindel and Elrond having sex. He finally took a sleeping draught and fell asleep on the White Ship, not knowing it would sail today. Manwë won’t let him make the jump back to Middle Earth, and halted the ship’s progress to prevent it. Cirdan set him adrift in one of the ship’s bathtubs so they could continue on their way. The sons of Elrond and Thranduil will sail soon. He needs to be there when they arrive at the Grey Havens, and Erestor definitely does not need to be with him.”

“Did Manwë happen to mention how Erestor is supposed to get back to shore? Right now, it looks like a fish wants to play ball with the pint sized boat.”

Ulmo waved his hand dismissively. “Pay no mind to the denizens of the sea. They won’t harm him. You know that.”

Lorien raised an eyebrow and looked at the bathtub skeptically. “No, I am not as certain about that as you are. He isn’t either. Why hasn’t one of us guided that poor elf back to land?”

Ulmo shook his head and grinned. “He thinks life here is going to be deathly dull, and only came under great protest. If he weren’t so attached to Glorfindel, he wouldn’t have come at all. Manwë thinks he needs an adventure to start his new life off right.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. This is Manwë’s doing?”

“Not entirely, but he was quick to take advantage of it.” Ulmo rolled his eyes. “Our esteemed leader wants this young elf’s introduction to Valinor to be unforgettable. You know how he has always taken an interest in Glorfindel. I fear that some of that interest has transferred itself to his adopted ion.”

“Wait, this isn’t the elf that got into a mess with Legolas and Elrond’s twins, Elladan and Elrohir, is it?”

Ulmo nodded. “Aye it is. This is certainly a change from the gloom and doom of his life in Imladris.”

“You are going to get him back to shore eventually, aren’t you?”

“I would if Manwë hadn’t come up with a plan.” If a vala could shudder, Ulmo would have done it.

Lorien winced. “Oh, that poor elf. What is he going to do with him?”

“I’m not sure. All he told me is that I’m not to rescue him. He has something else in mind.”

Lorien rolled his eyes. “I’m sure he would feel so much better knowing that Manwë is looking out for him.”

Ulmo sighed and shook his head. “He doesn’t know our esteemed leader. He probably would take it as a good sign. Now I should see to the denizens of the sea before they accidentally harm the elf.”

Lorien raised an eyebrow and suggested, “Maybe one of them could give the tub a push to get it started on its way.”

Ulmo chuckled. “I think that one of them is trying that very thing. Ah well, I will plant the idea. Manwë shouldn’t get too irritated as long as the sea creatures retain free will.”

Lorien smirked. “Good luck with that.”

Ulmo shrugged and travelled to the depths, leaving Lorien to wonder at Manwë’s intentions.


The huge sea creature that owned the enormous tail that scared Erestor out of a century’s growth suddenly stopped its splashing. Once more, all was calm. Erestor was not calm for long, though. First he saw one fin rise above the water. While it was circling the tub, another fin rose out of the water and began circling. Five more fins appeared. Seven fish of some sort were swimming in circles around the little bathtub. Judging from the size of the fins, they were all as big as the tub. The only fish that Erestor was very familiar with were those making an appearance at the dinner table. Even so, it took only a few short moments to realize that he had read about these. There had been a sketch, and the fins were distinctive and unmistakable. They were sharks! He was stranded at sea in a bathtub that was surrounded by sharks! Overwhelmed, frightened and in shock, he fainted.

Erestor lay, passed out, in the little bathtub for several minutes. Elrond would have been concerned at the length of time, but thankfully there was no need. The loss of consciousness was Lorien’s way of calming his frayed nerves. He was exasperated with Ulmo’s interpretation of his suggestion that he ask a sea creature to give the little tub a push. In theory, it was a good idea. Asking sharks to do the job was not.

Erestor woke with a start. The tub was being batted around like a ball!

“What the… Oh Mordor!”

The sharks had formed a semi-circle around the tub, and were bumping it with their heads! It was moving, which was good. However, Erestor was convinced that it would not take long before they knocked it over. That was not good. Even if they didn’t make a meal of him, he couldn’t swim very well. He would drown long before anyone found him.

Though none were there to see it, Manwë grinned. He knew that Ulmo would find a way to aid the elf. He just hadn’t known quite what he would do. As long as Erestor didn’t fall out of the tub, Ulmo’s plan would work to get the elf near to shore. Then fate would take its course. It was high time for an old Noldo to remember how to help his fellow elves, rather than just scare them. Even if it took a vala to do it, his reputation was going to change!

Finally, Erestor dejectedly accepted that sharks controlled his destiny. By nightfall, hunger and thirst had set in. He knew not to drink of the salt water, but he was so thirsty. Not wanting to become ill and make things worse, assuming that things could get worse, he decided not to tempt fate.

The sharks continued to bump the tub throughout the night. Sometimes, one or two would leave for a short while, but they always returned. Early on the second day, Erestor began naming them. The largest and scariest of them, he named Melkor the Menace. Then there was the smaller Sauron of the Sea, so named because of the way that particular shark hung close to Melkor the Menace. Shark o’Rohir seemed to be the least trustworthy of the bunch. He was sure that it wanted, more than any of the others, to make a meal of him. He hated it with a passion, and as with the elf, was pretty sure that the sentiment was returned in full measure. Legofin the Swimming Sindar was so named for the odd resemblance that a patch on its fin had to Legolas in profile. Findoshark the Magnificent was the most playful of the bunch, if an elf can call a shark playful. Ellad’ofin seemed to be the most graceful of the sharks. Lastly, there was Gandolfin; a gnarly old thing that looked as if it had been swimming those waters since the beginning of time.

After daydreaming for a couple of hours, Erestor began talking to Galdolfin and Ellado’fin about his situation, thinking them to be the most intelligent of the lot. Of course, they didn’t have any suggestions. He cursed Shark o’Rohir, saying things that he was unable to say to Elrohir due to his position as Elrond’s son. If only that night had never happened, but it did and there was no going back. Their relationship had died a sudden and ugly death. Legofin seemed interested in the things he was saying, but then he couldn’t read the elf so why would it be any different with a shark? With nobody around to see him do it, he would have cried if his body had enough fluids to do so. It didn’t, so he didn’t.

Mid-afternoon brought a sudden and unexpected rain shower. It cooled Erestor’s heated skin, but brought about a panic when water began collecting in the bottom of the tub. The shower didn’t last long enough to be a real cause for alarm, but it reminded him of just how helpless he was. It also served to show just how much his mental faculties had suffered. He scooped the water out of the tub as fast as he was able, not realizing till too late that he could and should have drank at least some of it.

Unbeknownst to Erestor, once in a while Manwë checked on him to ensure all was going as it aught. The Lord of the Valar couldn’t suppress a grin. The elf would have a riveting adventure story when he returned. It wouldn’t be as thrilling as his ada’s, but Glorfindel was a special elf and hero. It shouldn’t be. But the real purpose for Erestor’s trip in a bathtub had nothing to do with creating adventure tales. Very seldom on Aman did an elf require rescue to avoid certain death. It was an opportunity that he wasn’t about to squander.

Erestor slept fitfully on the second night. Part of it was spent curled in a tight ball, dozing. Another portion of the night was spent squirming around, and trying rather unsuccessfully to alleviate muscle cramps. Through it all, the sharks continued knocking around the bathtub.

The next day began with fierce hunger pangs. Erestor knew that his ada would have figured out a way to obtain food by this time. He laughed as he pictured Glorfindel pulling Melkor out of the water with his bare hands. It would certainly surprise the fish, but he had no doubt that Glorfindel could do it. He would probably eat the fish, scales and all, and never bat an eye. About two hours later, he spied land. In his relief, he jumped up and shouted only to be brought firmly back to reality by Findoshark the Magnificent. When Erestor jumped up, so did Findoshark. The result was a soaked elf that immediately sat back down. He didn’t mind that he looked and felt like a drowned rat. He would survive. With that thought in mind, he leaned his head against the side of the tub and smiled.

To make sure things worked as planned, Manwë sent a gentle breeze to lull Erestor into a peaceful sleep. Now all he could do is wait. Erestor was not awake to witness the departure of the sharks, nor did he take note of where the tide was taking him. Likewise, Ulmo and Lorien lost interest once the elf was within sight of land. Pleased, Manwe smiled.
sbyte: (Default)
I posted this on LJ, but I'm not sure that is the safest place to archive a fic. Thus, I am posting here too.

Author: sbyte
Beta: TPOD
Title: Lost at Sea 1/3: Always Read the Label
Characters: Erestor, Glorfindel/Elrond, Ecthelion, Celebrian, Cirdan
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction based on Tolkien’s works. It in NO WAY intended to be anything other than that.
Warning: This is utterly AU and silly. It is slash (m/m), but that kind of goes without saying.
Summary: Oversleeping can have consequences.

Always Read the Label

When the time of elves on Middle Earth came to an end, the elves of Imladris sailed for the White Shores. To most, it meant a joyous reunion with family and friends. However, there were two whose mood was tempered by nerves. A third came under protest.

Elrond was the most nervous of the elves. He looked forward to a more relaxed life in Valinor, but dreaded speaking with Celebrian about their daughter. He knew what she would feel, and there wasn’t a way to make it better.

Ever since leaving the Havens, Glorfindel had been rehearsing ways to tell his lover from Gondolin that he was married. Although they hadn’t ever discussed a permanent commitment, their love had been a deep one. Both had taken it for granted that the direction their relationship was headed led toward marriage.

Finally, there was Erestor. He looked glumly toward Middle Earth. Glorfindel and Elrond told him how much he would love Valinor until they were blue in the face. In his opinion it would be a giant bore after the new wore off.


Elves lined the dock and beach waiting for loved ones arriving from Imladris. Cirdan stood back and smiled. He loved watching elves reunite.

Elrond disembarked first, as was his right as Lord of Imladris. Several elves greeted him, but he didn’t stop to speak. Instead, he walked toward Celebrian, telling himself to be strong.

Celebrian hugged Elrond loosely and smiled. “It is good to welcome you here at long last.”

It was with unfeigned joy that Elrond exclaimed, “You are healthy and whole! I have longed for this sight more than you can imagine.”

Celebrian smiled at the elf at her side. “My healing was helped along immensely by this rogue. We bonded and my life hasn’t been the same since. We took the liberty of purchasing a small cottage for you. It is nothing large or elaborate. We just wanted you to have a place to live while establishing a more permanent residence. There is enough room for the children to stay as well, but not comfortably. I have taken the liberty of preparing three rooms for them in our home. It has been such a long time! I’ve been cooking for days to prepare a proper dinner to welcome them home. You are welcome to come for dinner too, if you wish.” Celebrian scanned the crowd of elves around the ship. “Elrond, where are my children?”

This is the moment that Elrond dreaded. “Elladan and Elrohir will sail on the next ship. They both had a few things that they wanted to do before leaving Middle Earth.” Elrond looked at the ground for a moment, and then took Celebrian’s hand. “Arwen will not be coming.”

Celebrian gasped. “You sailed without our children?”

“Arwen forswore her immortality for Estel. Their love is a great one, but even so, I tried very hard to sway her decision. Unfortunately, she had a vision of their child. Afterward, none could dissuade her from staying. Before we left, they were married. He is called King Ellessar now, and she is his Queen.”

Celebrian’s eyes reflected both shock and anger. “I don’t care what Arwen said. You should have convinced her to sail with you. In time, she would have gotten over him. You don’t even know for sure that our sons will sail. Thank the Valar that my father is still in Middle Earth. He will make sure of it. He won’t leave his grandchildren to fade in a land overrun by the Secondborn. Arwen will not refuse him!” Celebrian unclasped her hand to reveal a key. “I thought that you would need a place to call home. Had I known that you were going to abandon our children to Middle Earth, I would not have bothered.” She shoved the key into Elrond’s hand. “I am happily married. Can you believe that I was actually nervous of what you would think?” She turned around and stormed off.

Her husband cast a sympathetic glance at Elrond before rushing after her.

Elrond walked over to a large oak tree and sank to the ground. He knew that Arwen would not come. None approached or said a word. Instead, they respected his privacy as he gave in to his grief.


Glorfindel was greeted by old friends from his days in Gondolin. Waiting most anxiously of all was a petite and delicate elleth. Before Glorfindel could say a word, she squealed and shoved through a group of warriors. He had to laugh. She was as exuberant as he remembered. He picked her up and swung her around. After a big hug and light kiss, she pulled a little elfling up to meet him. His Gondolian lover was married with children.

When things started to die down, Glorfindel turned to his best friend, Ecthelion, and playfully cuffed him. “Tell me about yourself, Ecthelion. How has life in Valinor been treating you?”

“Life in Gondolin was very different from living in Valinor. It took a little time before I grew accustomed to living in a place of peace.” Ecthelion grinned. “You haven’t said whether you married or not. Is there an unfortunate elleth who calls you husband?”

“No, there is no elleth.” Glorfindel smiled. “There is an ellon though. Elrond and I were wed before leaving Middle Earth. How about you? Is Valinor infested with little Ecthelions sewing chaos and leaving destruction in their wake?”

Ecthelion smirked. “You know better. Your tastes may have changed, but mine have not in that regard.” With a grin, he added, “Congratulations on your marriage. Tales are told of Elrond’s bravery. Now I know them to be true!”

Glorfindel looked over at his mate. “His daughter renounced her immortality and remains in Middle Earth. He is speaking with her mother or I would introduce you. There is no easy way to tell her or lessen the pain.”

Ecthelion’s smile faded. “That is a harsh blow.”

“Elrond’s daughter, Arwen, remains in Middle Earth out of love. Her love for King Ellessar far outstripped her desire for immortality. I wish you could have met them.” Glorfindel sighed as he remembered their wedding.

Ecthelion noticed a dark haired elf standing alone near the ship. His facial expression revealed a definite lack of enthusiasm. “Who is that?”

“Erestor, come over here. There is someone that I want you to meet,” yelled Glorfindel.


Glorfindel smiled. “This is Ecthelion. He is one of my best friends.”

“I am pleased to meet you, Ecthelion. I have been told and read quite a bit about you. There are fairly extensive writings on you and Ada, and your legendary deeds.”

Ecthelion blinked. “Ada?”

Glorfindel smiled and wrapped an arm around Erestor’s shoulders. “I adopted this fine young ellon.” Then he turned to face Erestor. “This isn’t a day to speak of war, ion.”

Erestor grinned mischievously. He had looked forward to this for a very long time. “Oh, I was not. Your skills in battle are legendary, but I was talking about your debauched and depraved social lives.”

Both warriors looked at him sharply.

“You don’t know about the journals, do you?” Erestor snickered. “Many of the journals that survived Gondolin’s fall or were written by survivors afterward, include mentions of your antics. In fact, a few are quite detailed in their descriptions. We brought them from Imladris. I helped pack them myself. I’m sure that Elrond would be delighted to show them to you.”

Glorfindel looked indignant. “We were virtuous elves!”

Ecthelion coughed.

“Before you say much, Ada, a few official city records survived the fall. Why anyone would grab files before running, I have no idea. I’m certainly not that dedicated. At any rate, there is a record of an investigation into a small painting left on one of Turgon’s garden walls and signed by the two of you. The report said that it depicted a nude elf that was mas…”

“Enough said. Glofindel, your ion reads way too much.” Ecthelion changed the subject. “Do you have a place to stay yet? You are welcome at my house till you find something better.”

“It is nice of you to offer, but we don’t want to impose.”

“It is nothing, Glorfindel.”

No sooner had Ecthelion spoken than Elrond trotted up. His expression was grim. “Arwen’s marriage has broken her heart and none of my words could make it better. She has a husband, and for that I am glad. She will have his comfort and support.”

Glorfindel shook his head sadly. “Your sons will sail soon, but that will not take away the pain of losing Arwen.”

“I am glad that my sons are not here right now. Celebrian would try to act composed for their sake while dying inside. This gives her time to release her emotions.” Elrond gestured to the elf standing at Erestor’s side. “We are being rude. Excuse us.”

“No, this is a stressful day for you. I should apologize for intruding. Glorfindel, we can visit tomorrow.”

“Nonsense. Elrond, this is my old...very old...friend Ecthelion.” Glorfindel put his hand around Elrond’s waist. “Ecthelion, this is my husband and the keeper of my heart.”

“I am honoured to meet you, Elrond.”

“The honour is mine.”

“I was just offering to let you all stay in my home, if you need a place to stay while searching for a residence.”

Elrond jingled a key. “Celebrian acquired a small home to serve as temporary housing for us. Thank you for your offer, though. You can stay with us till you find a place, Erestor.”

Erestor winced. “I would not want to intrude. Don’t worry about me.”

“No, we insist.”

Ecthelion could almost read Erestor’s mind, and tried very hard not to laugh.

“Ada, this is your first night in Valinor and you have a new house. I have no desire to be anywhere near when your private celebration begins.” Erestor smirked. “I feel sorry for your unsuspecting neighbours.”

Ecthelion snorted. “You are welcome to stay with me.”

“That’s not going to happen.” Glorfindel looked at Ecthelion and Erestor with a raised eyebrow. “I know you both too well.” The mere thought of the mischief those two elves were capable of made him shudder. “Valinor quakes at the prospect of you two left alone and unsupervised.”

Erestor looked at Ecthelion and grinned. If Glorfindel was worried, he was very definitely going to get to know Ecthelion better! “Ada, it will only be for one night. It isn’t like…”

Elrond smirked, having seen this type of interaction a few times before. His husband tended to be clueless when it came to some things. Treating his Chief Advisor like a child and getting away with it, was definitely one of them. Erestor usually played along, and almost always used the opportunity to his advantage. Glorfindel just failed to notice.

Glorfindel looked stern. “You will stay with Elrond and me for the night. Tomorrow, we will make arrangements for your housing.”

Ecthelion looked at Glorfindel with a twinkle in his eye. “What do you expect us to do?”

Glorfindel looked at Ecthelion and smiled fondly. “I don’t think you want me to go there, ‘Thel.”

Elrond shook his head. “Let’s go see the new house, Erestor. We could be here all day if they start down that road.”

Erestor looked back at Glorfindel pleadingly as Elrond pulled him along.

“You are overprotective, Glorfindel. He isn’t a child.” Ecthelion furrowed his brow. “What is going on?”

Glorfindel sighed. “I know that, ‘Thel. It is just that he has had a hard life. In Imladris, he had a very bad experience with Elrond’s sons, and for decades afterward his life held little joy. My overprotective tendencies stem from a time in his life when he badly needed the love and support of a father. I wasn’t there for him ‘Thel. By the time I worked out a way to help him, he was too old to need me. He has never said as much, but I am not blind. Now he is in an alien land. His friends are all reuniting with relatives, and have no time for him. He has no relatives of his own, save for me. He has no job or even a prospect of one. He won’t admit it, and it may not seem so to you, but he needs me right now. Unfortunately, the time approaches when, yet again, I won’t be there for him. Once Elrond’s son, Elrohir, arrives, we will rarely see one another. I don’t know why, but he hates Erestor to an unnatural degree. Elrond needs his sons now, so Erestor will keep his distance.”

“That is one of the reasons you need to lighten up. Valinor is as old as time, yet it is new to him. He looks as lost as he must feel. If you can’t help him settle in, he needs a friend or acquaintance that can. ” Ecthelion looked out to sea. “You left him with the impression that your best friend is not to be trusted. He is old enough to make that determination for himself, Glorfindel. I won’t go near him if that is your wish, but I would love to get to know the elf that calls you ada.”

Glorfindel put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I am sorry. You know that I would trust you with my life. I will make sure he understands that as well.” Chuckling he added, “Valar help us all if the two of you ever decide to make life a bit more exciting. He can be entirely too much like you, at times. Seriously though, I will lighten up. I just want him to know that ada is still watching out for him. Valar, it really does sound like I’m talking about an elfling.”

Ecthelion smirked. “I remember your vociferous complaints about your own ada. You were over a century old before he quit telling you how to eat your vegetables. The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?”

“I’m not that bad!”


Despite his protests, Erestor wound up sleeping on Elrond’s couch. It was comfortable enough for a couch, but the location couldn’t have been worse. It was just past midnight, and Erestor had spent as much time glaring at the ceiling as trying to sleep. It sounded like the mattress springs were about to give way on Elrond’s bed. At the earliest possible opportunity, he was going to tell Elrond and Glorfindel of another use for oil; fixing squeaky mattress springs.

The noise died down, and for a while he thought he might be able to drift off. Then there was a hard thud, followed by another and another. Erestor covered his head with pillows, but it did nothing to muffle the noise. Instead of squeaky springs, he now heard wood knocking against the wall. It became hard enough that he was convinced the wall was suffering for it. Finally, that too died. He sighed and dared to hope that he would get some sleep after all.

Then he heard a big bang and loud moan. Another thud and he knew that someone had hit the wall. The noise was moving. // I just knew that this would happen. // The sounds were intermittent, but getting closer. Finally the moans were close enough that he was certain they had forgotten about his presence.

Tired and annoyed, Erestor grabbed his pillow and headed for the door. Before leaving, he remembered helping unpack wine and miruvor. Since it was Elrond’s fault that he couldn’t sleep, he felt justified in filching a bottle. In his hurry, he didn’t read the labels; he just grabbed one. Elrond didn’t bring anything but the superior vintages. With liquor in hand, he hurried outside.

It was just his luck that this was his first night in Valinor. He had no idea where it was acceptable to bed down. The only place he knew of was the ship. It was still docked and no one would be aboard. He headed to the dock and found the bed he had used on the voyage over.


The next morning Cirdan was feeling good. It was time to head back to the Havens. They left early because the wind and current were just right at that time of day. The White Ship made good time. By mid-afternoon, they had sighted the location where the ship would make the jump from the seas of Valinor to those of Middle Earth. Then, with no warning, the ship’s progress abruptly halted.

This had never happened in all of Cirdan’s years of making the run. It was like they had run into a wall. The crew was sent to check the ship out from stem to stern. Cirdan stood on deck searching his mind for clues to what could have caused the problem. About half an hour later, a sailor hurried to his side.

“Lord Cirdan, there is something that you need to see. I believe that we may have found the problem.”

Cirdan followed the elf down into the passenger cabins, clearly puzzled. Then he was led to a room at the end of a hallway. There on a bed was an elf sleeping soundly. He paused and scratched his head. There was an open bottle on the bedside table. He took a sniff and then tasted a drop off of his finger. “It is a sleeping draught.” Then he approached and gently nudged the elf till he woke up. “Erestor? What are you doing here?”

Erestor yawned and stretched before looking at Cirdan and the sailor at his side. Sleepily, he answered, “I spent the night on Elrond’s couch last night, but found it impossible to actually sleep. Glorfindel and Elrond have a squeaky mattress, if you take my meaning. Finally, I grabbed a pillow, a bottle of wine and left. This is the only place that I could think of to sleep at that time of night. I hope you don’t mind that I used your boat as an inn. It looks like I overslept.”

“Erestor, that wasn’t wine. It was a sleeping draught. You slept till late afternoon. Look out the window.”

Erestor thought they were looking at him very oddly, but he shrugged and complied. When all he saw was water, his eyes bulged. “Where are we?”

“We are about to cross onto the sea of Middle Earth. The ship has stopped though. Erestor, it will not transport you back to Middle Earth, and we are beyond the point where we can turn around.”

“Lord Cirdan, I just wanted a few hours sleep. I had no idea that you would leave so soon. What am I to do?”

Cirdan tapped the side of his nose. “There is only one option. You have to leave the ship.”

Erestor paled.

“Are you a strong swimmer?”


“Pity.” Erestor looked panicked. “I am only kidding, Erestor. We aren’t going to make you swim back. We need a small boat. Perhaps while in the Havens we can have one built for emergencies. That doesn’t help in the immediate situation though.”

The sailor, who had been silent, now spoke up. “What about one of the bathtubs? They are made of light wood and are water tight.”

A gleam lit Cirdan’s eyes. “Brilliant!”

Erestor gasped. “You are going to set me adrift in a bathtub?”

Cirdan nodded excitedly. “The tubs are round and roomy. There will be no problem with buoyancy or leakage. It is a perfect solution. We will send out a messenger bird to alert elves to be looking out for you.”

Erestor was stunned into silence. If Cirdan noted the shocked look on Erestor’s face, he didn’t indicate it.

The crew was all smiles while preparing the bathtub for launch. Because of the comparatively diminutive size, there was no room to stock it with food and water. No one was worried about it, though. It was assumed that Erestor would be picked up by a fishing boat fairly quickly. As the tub was lowered into the water, all Erestor could think about was the picture he would make bobbing around in a bathtub on the high seas. The crew and Cirdan enjoyed a few private laughs at the thought as well. It was the best option though, no matter how ridiculous it looked.

As the ropes that lowered the tub from the ship were loosened and detached, Cirdan yelled down, “We don’t have oars small enough for a bathtub, so you are going to have to trust the wind and current. Don’t worry. Ulmo will send a gentle breeze to guide your way to the nearest fishing boat.” That is what Cirdan hoped, anyway. “Good luck pen’neth.”

Shortly after that, the ship made the jump to the seas of Middle Earth and was lost from view. Glumly, Erestor noted the distinct absence of a messenger bird. Cirdan had forgotten.
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OMG, an appeals court in California overturned a rape conviction based on a law dating back to 1872. It doesn't protect single women in certain types of rape cases. Apparently, if the perpetrator masquerades as a woman's spouse, it is rape. However, if he masquerades as a boyfriend, it is legal!

“any person who fraudulently obtains the consent of another to sexual relations escapes criminal liability (at least as a sex offender under title IX of the Penal Code), unless he (or she) … masquerades as the victim’s spouse.”

ABC News says that the decision also urges the Legislature to examine the law, which was first written in response to cases in England that concluded fraudulent impersonation to have sex wasn't rape because the victim would consent, even if they were being tricked into thinking the perpetrator was their husband.

The article is all over the Internet, but here are a couple of links.
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I just received my ticket to The Hobbit! It is for the Saturday matinee! *bounces*
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The newspaper at Mom's contained a three column letter to the editor that floored me. The author said that "Hispanics, Blacks, Women and Muslims" have no business making decisions that effect the United States or its allies. He was bemoaning the current state of affairs in the United States and laying blame for all the world's ills. Apparently, he is only comfortable with decisions made by Caucasian and Asian males of the Christian faith.

There are bigots and haters sprinkled all over the country and he is obviously one of them. What really gets me is that, not only did the newspaper spread his message of hate, they featured. It makes a statement about the business principles and standards. Needless to say, they just lost a lot of subscribers.
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Oct. 30th, 2012 09:41 am
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I suppose that I will import data from LJ, just in case. As so many have said, if I wanted tumblr, I would be on tumblr.
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This is more disturbing than many 'horror' movies. It is from a truly twisted place in the mind of Edgar Allan Poe. The voice of Diamanda Galas is evil...just as is the teller of the tale.
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I do not know who is performing the reading, but his voice is perfect for it.
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Take care my East Coast friends.
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Within Temptation vid that still makes me jump. Halloween appropriate. :D
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I was just asked whether the Personhood law in Virginia outlaws birth control pills. WHAT??? Obviously, I haven't been paying attention. I haven't googled this, but sure will this evening. Has this happened, is a group just trying to make it happen, or what? Geez! Say it isn't so!
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My first jack o'lantern this year features the mutilation of Barbie. I considered purchasing a Ken doll and dressing it like a dentist. *bemused grin* Perhaps I could filch one from my sister's granddaughter.
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Here is the original pic. All I did for the bday pic is color splash to mute the background, slightly crop and add text.

Here is a link to the site where I found him. I have taken a few pics from this site. You are right, I am fortunate in a few of my FB friends. :D
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Inwe Saralonde Two
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